ups and DOWNS...

this week has been ROUGH, to say the least.

It started off with me being just physically and emotionally EXHAUSTED on Monday...I had to drag my butt out of bed and somehow made it onto the treadmill for a cardio #1 session that seemed to last FOREVER, but afterwards I felt nice and energized and was good-to-go to start my day...and then it HIT. Approx. 9:30am (after just finishing Meal #2) the debilitating EXHAUSTION set in and I could barely keep my eyes open and I honestly felt like I could've fallen asleep face-first on my keyboard. The day wore on and on and I decided that I needed to "listen to my body" so I used it as a "rest day," which really just means a cardio-only day for me (no lifting session tacked on to it). I went to bed early with the hope that the extra "rest" would pay off and I'd be re-energized on Tuesday morning--which sadly, was NOT the case--at all. I felt WORSE during Tuesday's early AM cardio and all throughout the day I just felt sluggish...sigh...but I trucked on through and miraculously made it through my PM cardio AND a brutal leg circuit.

Unfortunately, I didn't snap out of this FUNK that I was in until Thursday morning after I'd taken my second (and last) "rest"/cardio-only day on Wednesday...maybe I was just that behind on sleep/energy? I have no idea what it was...but thank GOD it's over and behind me and I'm finally feeling "normal" again. Although, I should clarify--"normal" for me still includes being tired and achy, with the regular energy dips throughout the workday (usually around 10am and then again after lunch at around 2pm)...BUT at least on my "normal" days I still have my wits about me and can make it through the day without a struggle...

I can't even put into words the frustration I feel when I'm at the mercy of my body. The constant hunger pangs, the debilitating exhaustion, the mood swings, the energy dips--I feel like they're these 200 lb. weights dragging my entire body down, and as I much as I work to shake the feeling off, it lingers....I know I haven't been the most fun person to be around lately--D can definitely attest to that (sorry babe!)...and I know that I can do a lot better job in the future of managing my emotions and keeping my crazy in check...I know the pressure and stress of this competition is only going to continue to build as the next 6 weeks flies by, but when it comes down to it, it's up to ME to control how I react to it. I have a lot of exciting stuff in the works to keep me motivated and focused on the goal. The ultimate motivator lately has been the MIRROR as I see everything tightening up and those "problem areas" finally starting to melt away (HELL YES!!)...

So here's to pushing for more UPS than downs and making it through the next 43 days (eek!) ;)