RESISTANCE.

Phase 1: 29 days down--55 to go...

So at this point, just about a month into my Training, I wish I could say I'm going strong and making leaps and bounds. In my head, after the first month I'd be flaunting around a tight, fit little body, well on my way to the stage. I'd be rocking every training day, pumped up by every cardio session, totally accustomed to the food (or lack thereof) and straight-up OWNING the program...but that just isn't so...

I find myself suffering through constant cravings. Staring longingly at pictures/recipes of delicious, cheesy, sugary, not-at-all-"good-for-you" food on Pinterest all. day. long...with no hope of a Reward Meal in sight for a long, long, looooooong time.


And that's where it hits--the DOUBT. Can I really do this? Can I honestly survive 8 more (technically 21.5 more) weeks of this? Is my body EVER going to change?

I knew before I started this journey that I'd have good days and bad days, that it would get A LOT harder before it got any easier, that I would need patience and trust and focus if I was going to get there...and yes, it's all true. And consider yourself warned: there may be more bad days than good, especially when you're just starting off. Every single day I have to RESIST--the urge to take just one bite of that snack, the urge to skip out on the gym, the urge to GIVE UP ALL TOGETHER.(gasp)

You know, resistance is a funny thing. Sure, I think it takes tons of will power to say no to all the things I wish I could eat, but deep down I have realized that it's all mental. I have been the one resisting this process, this change. It takes a lot more than some sweat and protein powder to make a once chubby girl into a bikini competitor. When I decided to TRANSFORM my body, what I really was doing was transforming my life--my daily routines, my eating habits, my workout program, my cardio schedule, my priorities--the bangin' body that I get out of it should just be icing on the cake! (damn, cake sounds so bomb right now) ;)

I know this isn't a "forever" thing. I'll cycle in and out of this intense level of training and nutrition based on the competitions I choose for as long as I choose to compete...but this way of life, of living--clean eating definitely has to be something I stick to FOREVER. Sure--I could indulge myself in every single craving and eat every single greasy, sugary, fried thing in sight, BUT then I'd have to trade in my current body for my old one--heh, yeah...that's NOT happening. So yeah, it's hard and I feel somewhat deprived at the moment, but that beats the hell out of being fat.

So here's how I rationalize all of this:
1. Bust my ass for the remaining 20 some odd weeks and surrender myself to the expertise of my Coach.
2. Compete, compete, compete.
3. Indulge in some long-awaited Reward Meals (finally)
4. Transition to simple, clean eating long-term.

Simple enough--right? ;)