CLOSING IN...

TWENTY FOUR DAYS LEFT...and about a MILLION things on my mind.

1. TRAINING
Well, I knew it was coming...with just over 3 weeks left, I knew I was bracing myself to be slapped with a ton of changes for my cardio/training and nutrition and it's pretty simple to predict what that's going to be at this point...So I'll be chugging away at the gym at all hours of the morning AND night while everyone's fast asleep, chomping on my tilapia (stinking up the breakroom at work) and doing absolutely everything in my power to get my body to freakin' RESPOND and drop this fat it's clinging to. I wanted to be closer than this at this point and that's just not happening.

2. COMPETITION PLANNING
I can't even begin to explain to you the complexity of prepping for all the "extras" outside of diet and exercise that go into each and every Competition...these are just a few of the things I've been dealing with in the last few days...
HAIR: booking a cut/color for the week before the show, investing in some legit hot rollers and searching desperately for a hairspray that will last, not to mention trying to learn how get a good hair tease to stay up all day/night.
MAKEUP: hitting up MAC for some dark(er) foundation and other stage makeup essentials and having makeup artist girlfriend teach me how to do it on my own for the show day :)
SMILE: teeth cleaning & whitening to make sure I sparkle on stage :D
HAIR REMOVAL: booking a bikini "sugaring" appointment, shaving/using cream to remove arm/leg hair, and going in for the usual threading for eyebrows.
TAN: booking my tanning appointments with JanTana, buying glaze/posing oil and spray for touch-ups backstage.
SUIT: finalizing the material and connectors for my suit and planning on driving down to SD for a couple more fittings.
JEWELRY: ordering earrings and bracelets to match my suit connectors
PACKING: probably investing in a luggage set, making a Competition Trip packing list, including a separate day-of list of things to bring with me to the show venue.
HOTEL: booking a hotel in SD for the night before and night of the show, buying/bringing my own bed linens, towels, etc. so my show tan doesn't stain the sheets :P
ENTRY FORMS: sending in my entry forms to the show promoter AND getting my NPC Card.

The sad part is, I'm SURE there are things I'm missing on that list, but that's all I can wrap my head around at this point!!

3. POSING
I've been practicing every day, but still do NOT feel 100% comfortable with my posing routine. Still feel like it's missing that smoothness and "pizazz" I need so I've been scouring youtube for videos of IFBB Bikini Pros to pick up on the nuances of their routines...I know I have to nail down my own routine ASAP so that I can just repeat, repeat, repeat and get the muscle memory going so that I don't have a major freak out on stage...

4. FOOD
HANGRY- "when you are so hungry that your lack of food causes you to become angry, frustrated or both"...yeah, that's me. LOL...honestly, the constant hunger is something I've gotten used to. Today I even did an experiment to see if I could survive without sugarfree gum and guess what, I'm still alive and kicking!! I've officially cut out diet soda, artificial sweetners and condiments altogether to try and reduce the bloat and excess water. The only thing I'll have is a tablespoon of salsa (basically serving as my "dressing") with my salad at dinner and that's it! I'm on all whole foods now (no protein shakes) and am 100% on plan...it's rough but it must be done in order to get to where I want to be in 3.5 weeks...

5. SLEEP
Yeah, it hasn't been going too well in this department as of late. I try EVERY NIGHT to knock out as early as my training schedule will allow because I know my body needs rest, BUT what sucks is that my training sessions last so long that by the time I come home and get ready for bed, my adrenaline is still pumping (not to mention the fact that I have a million things running through my mind ALL.THE.TIME.) and I can't get any shut-eye...and of course, I still have to drag my bootay out of bed at 4:30am to get in my AM cardio...which means I've been averaging about 5-6 hours of sleep every night--talk about running on empty :-/

4. TRAINING
No, this is not a typo...it's literally the FIRST and LAST thing on my mind every single day. Feeling "behind schedule" is no bueno, especially with the days slipping away...

SO off I go...pushing through the chaos and madness that is "Contest Prep"--June 9th will be here soon!

the SWITCH.

So I've come to this (long overdue) revelation about my training, my competition, my goals, my whole "fitness world" so-to-speak...It's MINE. Yep, that's right, it's ALL mine--it belongs to me, it's up to me, and at the end of each and every grueling day, it's FOR me. Once I snapped out of the "woe-is-me" funk I'd been in for the past few weeks, I realized that it's about time I took ownership of this whole damn thing and remember that I chose all this.

No one made me do it. No one had to tie me down and force-feed me clean foods or crack a whip and make me buy a gym membership and spend 2+ hours a day there....Nope, that was ALL ME. I wanted this. I wanted to be in the BEST shape of my life. I wanted to have a body I was proud of, that I could admire when I passed by a reflective surface. I wanted a body like all of those Fitness Models and Bikini Competitors I always envied, so I went out and worked for it. I put in the time, the effort, the energy, the sweat and I'm almost there..So tell me, what was with all that complaining? Geeeez, enough already!! Time to grin and bear it! Time to open your eyes and see that all that hard work is paying off big-time!! Time to STOP stressing it and START enjoying it!!

Once I exhaled and let go of all of that nervousness, insecurity, and anxiety I'd been holding on to all this time, it literally felt SO FREEING. I can stop obsessing over the scale and just focus on my training, let my body do it's thing and not "freak out" about how many days I have left until the proverbial "crunch time" approaches. I have to keep reminding myself over and over that I hired Kimbo for a reason--he trains the BEST and I want to be the BEST I can possibly be. Homeboy knows what he's doing and how to get me there, so I have to trust him completely. MY job is to eat my meals on time, train my booty off, and chill. Simple enough right? (Man, when I write it all out like that it makes me laugh at how crazy I've been over the past few weeks for worrying at all.) To be honest, I think the reason this all seems so much easier to me now is that I'm REALLY starting to see the changes in my body. Everything's leaning out and tightening up nicely...and the truth is, I'm STILL 5 weeks out and I don't want to PEAK too soon...In life, as in sports, you have to get HOT at just the right time ;) ...I've gotten to the point in my diet and training that feel like I'm in a "groove"...meals are like clockwork, training isn't such a chore (except on leg days because that shit KILLS!) and overall I feel like I can hold it down, whereas before I was so worried about messing something up that I was anxious ALL. THE. TIME...no bueno.

So, I've flipped the "switch" and am finally totally dialed in to my training...I realized that if I can dedicate 16 weeks of my life training and sculpting my body, I can do ANYTHING. So I did something I never in a million years thought I'd be able to do...which I will hereby label a "surprise" and reveal in the coming weeks ;)

36 days to go...

ups and DOWNS...

this week has been ROUGH, to say the least.

It started off with me being just physically and emotionally EXHAUSTED on Monday...I had to drag my butt out of bed and somehow made it onto the treadmill for a cardio #1 session that seemed to last FOREVER, but afterwards I felt nice and energized and was good-to-go to start my day...and then it HIT. Approx. 9:30am (after just finishing Meal #2) the debilitating EXHAUSTION set in and I could barely keep my eyes open and I honestly felt like I could've fallen asleep face-first on my keyboard. The day wore on and on and I decided that I needed to "listen to my body" so I used it as a "rest day," which really just means a cardio-only day for me (no lifting session tacked on to it). I went to bed early with the hope that the extra "rest" would pay off and I'd be re-energized on Tuesday morning--which sadly, was NOT the case--at all. I felt WORSE during Tuesday's early AM cardio and all throughout the day I just felt sluggish...sigh...but I trucked on through and miraculously made it through my PM cardio AND a brutal leg circuit.

Unfortunately, I didn't snap out of this FUNK that I was in until Thursday morning after I'd taken my second (and last) "rest"/cardio-only day on Wednesday...maybe I was just that behind on sleep/energy? I have no idea what it was...but thank GOD it's over and behind me and I'm finally feeling "normal" again. Although, I should clarify--"normal" for me still includes being tired and achy, with the regular energy dips throughout the workday (usually around 10am and then again after lunch at around 2pm)...BUT at least on my "normal" days I still have my wits about me and can make it through the day without a struggle...

I can't even put into words the frustration I feel when I'm at the mercy of my body. The constant hunger pangs, the debilitating exhaustion, the mood swings, the energy dips--I feel like they're these 200 lb. weights dragging my entire body down, and as I much as I work to shake the feeling off, it lingers....I know I haven't been the most fun person to be around lately--D can definitely attest to that (sorry babe!)...and I know that I can do a lot better job in the future of managing my emotions and keeping my crazy in check...I know the pressure and stress of this competition is only going to continue to build as the next 6 weeks flies by, but when it comes down to it, it's up to ME to control how I react to it. I have a lot of exciting stuff in the works to keep me motivated and focused on the goal. The ultimate motivator lately has been the MIRROR as I see everything tightening up and those "problem areas" finally starting to melt away (HELL YES!!)...

So here's to pushing for more UPS than downs and making it through the next 43 days (eek!) ;)

GO ME!

It's been a ROUGH road so far, not gonna lie...and I KNOW without a doubt, there are many more struggles ahead of me, but let me tell you--I'm DAMN PROUD of myself. I know there are things we're not supposed to say out loud because of course it makes us seem self-absorbed, conceited, over-confident, etc....but there is something to be said about taking a step back after a long, hard workout and thinking F*** yeah, I destroyed that! There shouldn't be anything wrong with being happy with yourself for making good choices, proud of yourself for pushing through tough training sessions--that should be encouraged--celebrated!

All too often I'm self-depricating, self-loathing, altogether negative in my critique of my own physique and progress (or lack thereof), but the second I remember that once upon a time (not too long ago) I was an unhealthy 5'2", 165 lbs. and squeezing myself into size 11 jeans...I stop all that nonsense and can't help but APPLAUD myself for coming as far as I have already...an almost FIFTY pound weight loss is something I should be proud of! It's a damn shame that it has somewhere along the line become "unacceptable" for us (especially as women) to be proud of ourselves and celebrate our personal achievements.

On the flip side of all of this, truth be told, this weekend has been a rough one for me mentally. I feel time slipping out of my hands all too quickly as I stare down the calendar and realize that 7 weeks isn't nearly as long as it seems. I honestly feel like I'm under the wire and behind schedule...and it SUCKS! I'm still about 10 lbs. away from my goal stage weight and it's KILLING me having the scale stuck at the same damn place for weeks. So I knew I had to tighten things up in order to "trim the fat"...Coach flipped the switch and has me strictly doing RUNNING with HIIT sprints for my cardio from now on...and after 3 days of it, man oh man, it's kicking my bootay (and I mean that in the BEST way possible)...I'm trying my best to keep my head in the game and really just take it one workout at a time--otherwise, I'd just be completely overwhelmed/defeated by my lack of "progress" in the body weight department...

Reminder to self--there are ALWAYS going to be ups and downs, but if I take a second to look back and see how far I've come, where I'm going doesn't seem too far away.

HIGH gear

GYM. Meal. Work. Meal. Work. Meal. Work. Meal. Work. Meal. GYM. Meal. Sleep.

Repeat for another 50 days...then COMPETE!

You're SO jealous of my life right now aren't you?

It's really strange writing it out like that, but on the real, that's what every single day looks like for me at the moment, not to mention that I've been eating the same EXACT thing for the last 9 weeks and will continue to do so for another 7....BLAHHHHH!

Yes, it's been difficult and pretty frustrating at times--especially with my bodyweight not coming down as fast as I need it to. I've been waking up before the sun to bust my butt (literally) at the gym, hauling ass to work, coming home to scarf down dinner so I can head BACK to the gym for another 2 hours and then knocking out just to do the same thing 6 hours later...It's discouraging to step on the scale and not see progress. I look in the mirror on the daily basis and see changes, and I know that the judges will NEVER KNOW how much I weigh...they're scoring based on what they can see and only that...BUT weight is still an indicator of my progress and it's been taking way too long for me to drop those excess pounds.

So what now? Well, I step it up. I switch to running only (bye, bye stepmill!) and increase the sprint intervals. I cut down carbs and fats and add in a tad more protein. I leave myself to the mercy of my coach and just continue to push myself as hard as humanly possible to get the most out of every drop of sweat and every single second I'm hustling on that treadmill. I work--NON-STOP in the pursuit of my goal.

I've worked too hard to get to where I'm at now to let my foot off the pedal, even for a moment. I have to have tunnel vision and not let anyone or anything deter me from getting to where I want to be--standing on that stage looking my absolute BEST. Nothing less will do.

the LONG haul...

SIXTY-FIVE days....

When I stare at that number it seriously makes my head hurt. Somehow my laboring mind can't seem to wrap itself around how I'm going to survive another 65 days and retain any sense of sanity.

Today is a tired day. Yesterday was a tired day...and tomorrow will most likely be a tired day.

Coach stepped me up to two-a-day cardio, aerobic lifting, and added another leg circuit into my split...add all of that on to working full time, constantly doing Costco runs and grilling, baking, cooking, weighing food and trying to have some shadow of a "life" outside of contest prep and work--let's just say this girl is a little SPENT...

I know there are probably women out there who do the same thing with a lot more on their plate, so I can't really complain about my situation. I had heard time and time again that Contest Prep is one of the most all-consuming things one can put themselves through, and that is absolutely true! The best I can do at this point is take a deep breath, suck it up, and push through those sprints like there's no tomorrow, because really--there isn't. As overwhelming as 65 days sounds, it'll breeze by and before I know it, I'll be getting ready to set my clear heel onto the stage for the first time. I don't want to be standing up there knowing that I let the "process" get the best of me and failed to prepare the way I could have...

So I'll just press on, eyes on the prize--50 days down, only 65 days to go!

it's OFFICIAL.

As of yesterday, I decided to move up my show a whopping 2 months and 2 days to compete in...

The NPC Southern California Bikini Championships!!

After meeting with Coach and going over my progress over the past 6 weeks, we decided that I'm ready for the challenge of a full-blown Contest Prep and I'll be able to get there in the next 10.5 weeks. So here goes nothing! As he so wisely said, only I decide how I'm going to look onstage. So all of the choices I make in the coming weeks are going to determine where my body is at the end of it all. If I thought the last 6 weeks were challenging, I'm in for one hell of a ride because from this point on, my training & nutrition are going to be kicked up a notch...or ten.

In related news, I survived and absolutely LOVED my first day of HIIT! The intervals break up my workout and make me feel amazing and accomplished once I finish the cardio session. I've read so many fitness gurus and competitors rave about the benefits of sprints/interval training, but so far I'd been confined to LISS (Low Intensity Steady State) cardio aimed at burning fat...I had a feeling Coach was going to start mixing HIIT (High Intensity Interval Training) cardio into my program and I was right. At first I was hesitant about it, but after my first interval I was revving to go! Yay!!

I hope last night's workout was an indicator of how I'm going to approach this next phase of my training. I'm so motivated to push even harder than I have over the last 6 weeks and just tune everything out, focusing in on the prize at the end--stepping on stage and showcasing the best body possible. :)